Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Losing Myself

Have you ever pretended to be happy to everyone around you, but deep down inside you just want be left alone and cry. Right now,  I feel alright and I'm  sorta happy; well I think I am. It's been hard these past days and when everyone is out of the house I keep quiet and think to myself. Just thinking about everything and all those horrible times that I've been bullied or made mistakes that I never replace.

I would never hurt myself nor others, but I gotta admit I've thought about suicide before. When times were really hard than they are now, but I never had the guts to do it. I'm grateful I didn't. The title "losing myself"
is all about how I just keep on pretending I'm okay and happy when I'm not and I don't know who I am now. Behind the curtains I'm just trying to get by and I don't have all the answers or everything together.

I try to keep myself occupied and that's why I cleaned last week and it resulted in a aching pain in my right hand till this day. I just don't want to sit and think about it anymore. If I do I'll just fall into pieces and that's why I just take a deep breathe and look up to the sky and know that someday this will get better. The details aren't that important on what's going on, but it's the usual. I made a playlist that I've been listening too; it's new.

  1. Rooney- When Did Your Heart Go Missing
  2. Taylor Swift- Safe and Sound
  3. Seven Nation Army
  4. She Wolf
  5. Sistar- Alone
  6. Smash Mouth- Everyday Super Hero
  7. Sunshine and City Lights
  8. Taylor Swift- Lucky One
  9. Flo Rida- I cry
  10. 2ne1 - Go Away
  11. Boa- Every heart
  12. Chris Brown -Don't Judge Me
  13. Christina Aguilera- Just a Fool
  14. Whataya Want From Me
  15. Sistar- Loving You
  16. Brown Eyed Girls- One Summer Night
  17. Kelly Clarkson- Behind These Hazel Eyes
  18. Lana Del Ray- Ride
  19. Kim Wilde- Kids In America
  20. Simple Plan- I'm Just a Kid
  21. Rascal Flatts- Life is a Highway
  22. Linkin Park - Waiting For The End
  23. My Chemical Romance-  Welcome To The Black Parade
  24. Paramore - Decode
  25. Paramore- Monster

This is just half of my playlist I got like dozens, but music really heals the heart. From experience even when you're crying and nothing can cheer you up just listen to the songs that apply to your situation. Feeling the blues today........

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