Monday, March 7, 2016


Twisted Choices

“My my..I wonder who will be the lucky fella who wins your heart, My Love.” My mother chuckled as she combed my hair. I didn’t think much of it at the time nor did I try to understand her. But, I think I do now. Ever since I could remember they had always been my best friend’s, Kaylo Von Richards or Kay and Henry James Lander a.k.a. H.J.

Kaylo was like Prince Harry of Britain, but then again looks could be deceiving, because he was no brit! He was a chubby ginger with curly locks, bright hazel eyes, and flushed cheeks. While, Henry was bright blonde with baby bangs that he would swish to the right. His palms were rough from always picking up random things and he always looked confused and if not then amused. I was a bit taller and slender than the both of them, my appearance was so the norm. My long dark brown hair was always in a pony and my green eyes weren’t all that noticeable since they were occasionally overshadowed by my eyeglasses. Nonetheless, I could say I appeared okay-looking.

Hi! My name is Becca, short for Rebecca Stew, but friends call me B. I grew up in the small town of Edmonds, Seattle. I was the only female there brave enough to challenge these butt heads. They weren’t so bad, Kaylo was an original sweetheart with freckles for days and Henry well..he sure knew how to put on a show. Together we roamed around town kicking bottles and playing frog golf. I was a natural tomboy because of my dad. What can I say? After my mother left to support us, he became my only role model.

Sure, when we were kids in the backyard it was all fun and games, but when we got into middle school things changed. My dad became a deadbeat dad as what they called him. He used to bring other women into the house and tell me to shut my door and study. I knew what he had been doing, but I let him because I thought he probably just missed mama so much and got lonely.
The whole town knew of my father’s indiscretion, but it was only those two knuckle heads who treated me the same. I still recall the conversation we had the day that we became best friends.

“I’m gonna beat up everyone in this town!” Henry shouted.

“Calm your horses down, HJ. You’re scaring the living out of B.” Kaylo covered Henry’s mouth. “Is there anything you want, Becca?”

“Yeah! Like pizza! Wohooooo PIIZZAAAAA” Henry jumped from the dog house.

“Can you get me some vitamin water?” I whispered.

“Sure. What flavor?” Kaylo got up to go to the fridge.

“Wait. So no pizza?” Henry scratched his forehead.

“Umm..Red?” I looked at Kaylo.

“That’s a color, dumbass.” Henry tapped me on the head with his papier-mâché sword.

“Great! Red it is.” Kaylo smiled at my mistake.

I was grateful to them. The first time I had ever been vulnerable and they were right there beside me. Henry offered me his embroidered handkerchief as he looked away and said “Wipe that ugly off your face” and Kaylo always willing to hug me or hold my hand even if I refused regardless. This was everything to me. They were everything to me. I thought I had figured out everything in life at that time, but boy was I wrong. My life had changed for the worst yet again as I entered into high school the boys started acting strange and it wasn’t because I had started wearing my first bra!

“Hey guys..did I do something wrong? How come you guys don’t want to hang out with me anymore?” I tightened my grip around my books.

“Uhh…..B-Bec-BeccaAaAAA!!!! gEEE It’s nice weather huh?” Kaylo screamed.

“Why are you acting so weird today, Kay?” I moved my hair to the side.

“Doll face!! Huh. That’s new. How come your chest looks like there’s money in there?”

“Ohmygosh!!! Shut it, Henry! It’s a bra okay.”

“Then how come you got something in your eye and cheeks and well your face! What’s up with your face?” Henry pointed at me.

“That’s make-up, Henry.” I quickly became insecure and covered my face.

“You wear those now?!?! But you don’t need it.”

I looked at Kaylo, but he could barely look at me.


“Nice going, HJ.” Kaylo punched Henry.

“Ouch! Yeah like your moves were so smooth. U-uh..BECCAAA!!!” Henry teased Kaylo.

“Dude. I think we should tell her.”

“WhaAAATTtt!!! But I’m not ready, HJ!!!”

“What? No, Dude. I mean tell her that she is in fact a girl. Cause didn’t you just hear what she said?”

“Ugh. I thought for once in your life you were gonna say something smart.”

“Hey!! That’s unfair.”

We never spoke again after that. They didn’t even apologize to say the least. It was if they forgot all about me. They were completely different. So, I had decided to change as well, I ignored them for several days which turned into weeks then later months. Within those months I had gained new friends, friends who are girls. They shared the same interests as me, but even they couldn’t replace Kaylo and Henry.

One day as I was walking outside of the backyard we used to always play in as kids. I heard two deep voices, I peeked between the cracks of the fence, and I found them. Henry looked serious as Kaylo.

“Listen, Kay…I don’t think I can do this anymore. I love her.”

“Well… I love her too.”

“We should just apologize and confess already. She deserves it!”

“I’m not ready, HJ.”

“Fine. You go ahead and wait forever, but I’m going to handle things my way.”

“Good luck, Henry.”

“You too, Kaylo.”

It was then that I had realized that all this time they weren’t just acting weird because I wore a bra and make-up, but instead they liked me! On Valentine’s Day to my absolute surprise Henry had indeed come up and apologized to me. He later then professed his love for me followed by a bouquet of flowers and chocolates.

Of course, I forgave him, but I was not expecting that he would confess at all. I mean I just wanted an apology. He had told me that I need not to make a rash decision so, he drove me home afterwards. I took all my gifts and thanked him. I did not get it. I loved Henry, but I also loved Kaylo and it wasn’t in a serious ‘I love you, babe’ kind of love, but more like a ‘like like’ friendly kind of way. Weeks past and I still hadn’t given him an answer. He never pressured me instead he would always offer to take me home. Though, a day before the winter formal dance, he asked once more.

This time for sure I couldn’t make him wait again. I was still unsure of my feelings and I didn’t quite understand myself either as to what I was waiting for, but if only I would have known earlier that it was a matter of who. I looked at him reassuring myself that what I was doing was the right thing and answered, yes. He blew a huge sigh of relief and hugged me. “I can’t wait to tell, Kaylo!” He jumped.

“Kay…” I whispered.

“Yeah? Is there something a matter now, Love?”

“Uh no. Actually, I must be going home now. I need to get ready for the winter formal.”

Henry offered me a ride home, but I told him I would walk. I don’t know why I was so down. I thought when girls get a boyfriend they were supposed to be head over heels in love and happy. I just felt terrible like I was coming down with a bad cold or something. I looked to my front porch and found Kaylo sitting.

“Kay!!” I sounded too excited to see him. I cleared my throat and changed my tone. “What are you doing here?”

He got up and walked right passed me enough to feel me breathing “Congratulations, Becca.” He whispered into my ear. I couldn’t help, but stand there in awe. As soon as I was able to grasp my breath. I looked behind me and he was gone. What did he mean? What did he meant by congratulations? I know that’s only proper, but could it be that Henry had told him about he and I?

The Winter Formal dance was a success so far. As, Henry and I danced till our feet fell off. However, there was something missing. I couldn’t pin point it, but I just couldn’t shake off the feeling. I searched the gym and found what I was looking for. He actually came. His eyes met mine and I didn’t know what to do so I raised my cup of fruit punch to him. I could feel Henry staring at the both of us so, I looked away and went to him. As I rested, Henry had told me that he got me a surprise.

He brought Kaylo before me and nudged him. “Well? What do you have to say?” I stood and looked into his eyes. “Yes, Kaylo?”

“Would you dance with me, Becca?” Kaylo put out his hand. I felt my body move on its own and put my hand into his. Henry through darts at our hands touching, but I quickly reassured him with a kiss on a cheek. “I’ll be right back.” It was as if the gym full of people had disappeared. We slowed danced to the last song of the night. And, for the first time, the palms of my hands were sweaty and I felt this barfing sensation, but I kept swaying with a huge smile on my face.

“So, when did you get so good in dancing?” I broke the silence.
“Right now.” He dipped me and twirled me around.

“How charming. You think you’re all that don’t you?” I quickly knocked him off his high horse.

“How’s Henry? Does he make you happy?” He ignored what I had just said.

“Stepping over sentences, why dont’cha?” I looked away from him.
“I’m sorry. Please answer the question.”

“Henry’s fine. Henry is Henry all the time. And, as matter of fact he does.” I stated confidently.

“Do you really love him? Is he really the one?” Kaylo stopped swaying and looked at me seriously.

“Kaylo. I’m not going to do this with you right now.” I began to walk away from him.

“Just answer the question, Becca!!” He called out to me. I turned around and told him what he already knows. “Enough, Kaylo. You’re too late.” And, I headed off to go find Henry so that he could take me home.

I later found him outside of the gym smoking. “Henry!! I didn’t know you smoke!!” I yelled. “Relax, Doll face. It’s just a little joint.” He grabbed my waist. “You’re drunk, aren’t you?!?!” I squirmed away from him. “This isn’t you at all!! Also don’t call me that. I hate it when you call me that.” I pushed him away. “This is about Kaylo isn’t? Why do you always look to him? Why is he so special, huh?” He grabbed my wrist. “Don’t look at him. Only have eyes for me. You get that?”

“I don’t understand what you are talking about Henry.” I tried to untangle myself from him.
“Oh. I think you do, Baby. You should forget about him. I will take care of you. All he does is hurt you.” He said angrily.

“You’re hurting me right now!!!” I screamed.

He let go of me. “Tch! And, to think I was the one who apologized first, the one who confessed.” He punched the wall beside my face.

“Even if I want to be with you and be happy. I still think of him. I still wonder what if? However, I can’t imagine myself ending up with him either.” I sobbed.

“And you think that I can find peace in that?” 

“I’m sorry, Henry. I don’t know who I want. I don’t know who to choose or love.”

“Then choose right now. Who is it gonna be? Me or him?”

“Don’t do this, Henry. Please don’t do this.”

“You know what you don’t love anybody. How can you when you don’t even love yourself. You’re so unfair, Becca.”

“What’s going on?” Kaylo had entered into our fight.

“You know what you’re just like your father. “H-..How could you say that, Henry?” I teared up with fear and heartbreak then pushed him aside to run away. As I was running I heard him say “Becca!! I’m sorry!!”

“BECCA!!!!” Kaylo yelled as he ran after me. He later caught up at the doorstep of my house.

“Becca, it’s freezing cold. Here take my jacket.”

“What do you want, Kaylo?!?! Gosh! You have the worst timing ever!”

“No-Nothing..Becca…It’s just that I-”

“Oh Gosh!! Please!! Please!! Just don’t say it okay?!?! Why now? I waited and waited for you and you just-” Kaylo kissed me halfway through my sentence. It would have turned into something more if I hadn’t slapped him in the face. “You interrupted me. You always do that.”

“I know.” He whispered as he tried to kiss me again.

“I have to go.” I returned his jacket and went into my house.

And, that was how my winter formal ended. After all the drama had occurred, the town chatter was as lively as ever. I couldn’t go to school nor could I even go out to pick up the daily newspaper. I was called the “best friend lover” or “two timer” yet even better “the cheating daughter.” I had told my mom previously that I had to get out of here and she later agreed to buy me a ticket to New Hampshire.

Everything worked out in a few days. As I had exclaimed to my mother that I had wanted to board as soon as possible. I was alright leaving all my belongings and friends behind, because I just wanted to escape. I thought to myself “Maybe its best I leave them both. If I leave then comeback I would have probably made up my mind.”

Boy, was I wrong again. I met someone else.

Before boarding the plane, I saw my best friends again. They both ran towards me in a hastily fashion.


“BEEEE *cough cough breathe* CCAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

I turned my back and there they were. “I’m sorry, Becca.” Henry kneeled. “Please don’t leave me.”

“Don’t run-ua-away, Bec-cah.” Kaylo sat on Henry.

“Stand up you two.” I said as I put down my luggage. Then, they stood up straight.

“Listen you two, now nobody’s going to stop me. My decision is final, got it?”

“Got it!” They started crying.

“Can I ask you two for a favor?”

“Yes…anything, Becca…” They sniffed their snot back up their nose.

“Don’t wait for me. Because, I can’t guarantee when I come that I’ll be yours.”

“You sound so mature, Becca.” Henry tugged on my coat.

“I’ll keep in touch with you, Becca!!”  

“Yeah!! I’ll keep in touch too!!”

They never kept in touch. Ugh boys.

“Can you two stop being such sentimental babies? None of two are hearing me out!”

“Do you really have to leave?”

“I was just about to mention that. Yes, I have to because maybe at one point I thought I loved you both, but you see you can’t love two people at once. Then you ask me ‘Is it me or is it him?’ but back then my answer was always I don’t know, but here’s my answer now. I choose myself. I am not going to ruin what you two have nor go out with somebody else.”

“Last boarding to flight New Hampshire, Ma’am. You might want to wrap it up.” The flight attendant tapped her watch.

“I have to go now, guys. I’ll see you in a few years.”

“Not unless we come see you!!”

They never visited. Those liars.

“Please don’t!!” I yelled as I waved good bye. And, that was the last I saw of them.

It was hard creating a new life for myself. I felt like I had a new identity and could do anything that I had desired. While I was away, I began working at a couple of side jobs. Well ahead, I graduated high school and then got into a decent community college, but sad to say I never really went through it. Instead, I settled for chasing after my dream job, but once I figure that out of course. My mother didn’t approve of my decision, but I reassured her that if it doesn’t work out then I’ll reapply for college.

As for Kaylo and Henry’s well-being, I heard those two were the bachelors to beat because all the ladies either young, attractive, not so attractive, and wrinkly I mean old would come flocking at the site of them. When one of my gal pals who had call me up a few weeks back, she had told me that they were up to breaking a plank of wood using their abs. As to who the winner is, I kinda stopped listening at that part. Good to know that they’re still goofing around. As for me, I had a few boyfriend’s here and there, but none of my relationships would really last a year.

Fast-forwarding seventeen years later, I had returned to my hometown to collect some of my old belongings and well get hitched! The news had shocked many, as to why? I have no freaking idea. However what happened was that I met someone else and this time I love him.

Two egg heads came rushing to the scene of my wedding rehearsal and shouted I reject your, Honor!” in front of the priest. I had to pull them aside to take them to a halt. “What the hell do you guys think you’re doing?”

“Becca. You said when you came back you would have made up your mind about us.”
“I know what I said, but man! How did you guys get this hot!?!?!” I got sidetracked. Bite me. “Anyway!! I mean you guys can’t do this to me right now. Derek’s parents are in there.”
“The hell with Derek’s parents!”

“We need an answer Becca. You promised us.”

“Ugh! You guys are such children! Grow up! You see that’s why you two were never and never will be my past, present, nor future. How would I have known what I felt with you two was love, when we were just kids? I don’t want to say these things, but you guys leave me with no choice. Please don’t hate me... I don’t want to be the bad guy.”

“No. We get it, Becca. Let’s go, Kaylo. We’ll leave you to it.”


And there I was again, standing in front of my family and Derek’s. In front of God. And, I had realized something. They made me feel like shit! The nerve of those two.

“Kaylo, I don’t think she loves that guy.”

“I know, Henry. But what we can we do about it? She made up her mind and she’s getting married tomorrow.”

“Not we, Kaylo. But you.”

“What? Henry no.”

“Kaylo. You’re the only one who she listens too. It has always been you from the beginning.”
“What about you?”

“I’ll be fine. I had my chance and I blew it. But you have the ability to make her happy. So, go on and do it.”

“I just waited so long.”

“Exactly. You deserve her.”

“Henry, you have my word.”

“Now go on and get our girl! I mean your girl.”

If I would have known that those two buckle heads were plotting to sabotage my wedding day then I have rotted them out. But, I was caught off guard the morning Kaylo came into my room and talked to me.



“So! How do you feel since you’re getting married in less than hour and your best friends aren’t even invited?”

“Well …I feel okay. Great! And, my best friends would have been invited to the wedding if they weren’t still in love with me.”

“Ouch! That hurt. You look beautiful by the way.”

I giggled. “The heck! What am I doing?” I thought to myself.

“Do you love him? And, does he love you?”

“What are you the priest now?”

“Just answer the question, B.”

“As a matter of fact I do and yes I think he does too. I believe him.”

“You were always such a terrible liar. You know more than anybody else here that I see right through you yet you still lie to me. You’re still trying to be somebody you’re not. How can you love him when you’re not even being 100% honest with him?”
I stopped fixing my veil. “I thought you might say that. You’re right. But, I’m glad you figured it all out. Your timing couldn’t be any more perfect!”

“B, what is this all about?”

“Kay, I’m trying to tell you that I’m calling off the wedding. He’s just a guy I was dating for 6 months. We weren’t really that exclusive because most of the time we were on and off. It just so happened that on the day he proposed, I was planning on breaking up with him. I said yes because I didn’t know if I can ever be capable of loving someone else. I mean you know it firsthand the first time I found it, I ran away. I told myself this time I wouldn’t dare runaway. But, seeing you again just got me all confused. I don’t know what to do, you have to help me. I can’t go through with this. I love you. It has always been you.” I kissed Kaylo.  

“I knew it.”

“Knew what? Kaylo?”

“I’m sorry, Becca but no. You can’t do this, not this time.” Kaylo removed me from himself. 

“He deserves much better than that. I may love you but I’m done waiting for you to come around. I’m tired and you can’t just knock common sense into someone. You have no idea what you put me through. You put Henry and me through hell.”

“I told you not to wait.”

“It doesn’t matter, Becca. Geesh! You’re never gonna get it are you?”

“So what now, Kaylo?”

“I can’t. I can’t do this to Henry nor to Deren.”


“Derek I mean. And, I absolutely cannot do this with you. This is not love anymore, Becca. It’s just a game for you”

“I see. You would risk your own happiness for somebody else. You’re right I don’t know what love is and I was hoping you could show me, but you deserve someone much better than me. I’m sorry for everything. Now would you please got out of my room so I could finish getting dressed?”

“B, don’t cry.”


“Congratulations, B.”

I cried while walking down the aisle but it was not because I was happy. It was quite the opposite, my best friends left me. Kaylo doesn’t love me anymore. And it’s all my fault. I pushed them away.

“Kaylo, what did you do?”

“I did the right thing.”

In the end, I had made my marriage work and grew to love my husband then came my two beautiful children. As the years went on Derek and I got a divorce. No, I did not attempt to runaway the second time instead, he cheated on me as plainly as that. He told me that I loved my two kids more than I loved him and he was right. So here I was left alone again, but at least I had my two children and they were all I needed. I didn’t ever marry or date, I was finally happy this way contented actually. I set the love of my life free and in return I found myself and somehow that was everything. He truly did love me till the end. He taught me something that only he could. What love really meant.  

The End

Note: Hey Panda's I hope you enjoyed reading this as I did writing it. Don't be too hard on me please as I am still improving ^^ I wanted to a video message for you guys , but unfortunately I don't have the time so yeah just thought I'd post this already. ^.^ Tell me below which character was your absolute fave or hate. 


Dear Panda's

I know I am not consistent with producing content for my blog, but as you know life seems to happen to me all the time. A lot has happened and I mean A LOT! that my journal can barely keep up with me. I have some surprise posts for you hopefully this week >,< if I don''t get caught up watching YouTube videos. I'm just obsessed with Tati! 

Anyways, I will have that in a separate post. I wanted to tell you guys how much I'm sorry for neglecting my blog and being pretty much a negative noodle about life. It got me all in a swirl that I lost my edge of creativity. It's a working progress since my likes have changed drastically and I'm just trying to piece myself back together and produce content that I will be satisfied with and love. 

Today, what's on my mind is if whether I should put adsense or not on my blog, because I was concerned with you all thinking that I was back for the money instead of my blog, but that is so not true. After reading articles after articles, I have decided to make that extra step forward and just do it! I'm a bit nervous, but I hope you all will understand that I have no job at the moment because I'm a student. 

And, my parents provide us with enough money to sustain our needs, but I want to earn and see will my passions take me. Because who knows ..this might be my full-time job in the future. Well, I think that's enough for now. I have loads of homework to finish XD I'm such a lazy butt these days, but I'll try my best to keep moving for you guys!!! 

Love, Ashley