Saturday, January 5, 2013
The AfterMath: Grounded
Well, I know I haven't exactly told you guys about my "Wild Sleepover" at Mika's house, but here's the wild part. The reason why the title says grounded is because I am. I told my whole family(My Dad and little sister) about me and Mika drinking at her house. then my little brother's just heard it all because I was loud. They weren't mad at me and my Dad just said "Okay , but don't tell your Mom."
How can I not tell her I mean I tell her everything well, not everything, but just stuff that I feel she should know. And, let me tell you this it did not go well! This is what I told her:
After, Nicole left in the morning, I started looking for Mika's adapter so she can upload the pictures from our photoshoot. And, after we had some laughs about this fangirl's version of the song Mama. mika asked me if I wanted to drink with her and it was definitely not, peer pressure. I guess I was just thinking in the moment and I said "Yes". Because Mika even told me "Think for yourself."
Then as we started drinking as we started playing the songs: Star ship, Shots shots shots, Wild Young and Free, Rolling like a Buffalo. It felt good to let my big sister, good influence best friend, cute little angel daughter, and strict confident uptight grand daughter shoes off and just chilax. I mean I'm sixteen and I act like, I'm freaken 18 the hell I'll be 20 in 4 years. I have not done anything in my whole life that was worth being sixteen.
I didn't feel sixteen because I didn't have a sweet sixteen blowout party and not once in my life have I ever done anything so reckless like, what I did not to long ago. I mean okay, maybe I took 1 shot because I was curious then 2 because I didn't want to be a party pooper and then I did 2 more to be even or say that I did 4 shots in total. I was proud of myself, I felt freedom and it wasn't baby freedom.
Sure, my Mom told me that she was "Disappointed in me" and "Thought that I would never do something like, that." of course "I told her I was sorry I did it, I understood the consequences of what I have done, it was the last time, I would never do it again, and because I was curious about it and that's why I did it."
While i was saying those things my feeling were not agreeing with me, my brain said all those things, but my heart wasn't sorry at all. I didn't cry or felt guilt it. And, now I'm wondering what happened to me just last year I was awarded by my Mom for being a "good girl for eight months" and do you know how hard it was! and now just after one day of stupid lousy mistake it's all gone and suddenly I'm this bad girl.
The thing I'm most worried about is, that my parents might not see me as their little girl anymore, but more of a rebel and look out for her because she's trouble kind of girl and that's not me. I told my Mom it was my own decision and when Mika asked me if I wanted more I stuck to my guns and said "No, four is enough."
I know my Mom is very sensitive towards alcohol, because of Mama and my whole family on my mother's side being hard core heavy drinkers; including my Mom. I wish she could just understand me when I need her most too. I actually thought that my Dad would be the one who would be to lecture me and not my Mom. Boy, was I wrong; I guess my Dad didn't lecture me about it because he knew my Mom would be the one to grill me.
So, now I'm grounded and I have no idea when it will end. All I know is that I'm not allowed to go to sleepovers and I can just visit; that "I can live that" I told my Mom, but when I asked her about Cosplaying with Nic, she said she will have to talk about it with my Dad. I hope she let's me Cosplay.
After all the drama was over me and my Mom aren't on speaking terms now and I called Nicole, because only she knows how I feel right now and she cheered me up a little I just hope my Mom will talk to again. My Mom also said she doesn't trust Mika anymore and well, that hurt a little, but I'm more concerned about my relationship with my Mom.
Oh yeah, I'm not like my Dad I don't turn red after I drink; I'm like my Mom I can drink and drink and not get drunk.
PEOPLE DO NOT DRINK WHEN YOUR UNDERAGE THOUGH, I DID IT. I'M STILL VERY DEPRESSED AND SAD OVER MY MOM SAYING THAT SHE WAS DISAPPOINTED IN ME. TRUST ME, NEXT TIME I DO SOMETHING LIKE THIS, I'M GONNA ASK MYSELF IF IT'S WORTH IT.
I mean I was very worried about losing my voice after I did that and the fear that I might never get to voice act again. :(