Eliza Doolittle & Professor Henry Higgins
You see, Mrs. Higgins,
apart from the things one can pick up... ...the difference between a lady and a flower girl isn't how she behaves... ...but how she is treated. I'll always be a flower girl to Professor Higgins... ...because he always treats me as a flower girl and always will. I'll always be a lady to Colonel Pickering... ...because he always treats me as a lady and always will. Henry, don't grind your teeth. The bishop is here. Shall I show him into the garden? The bishop and the professor? Good heavens, no! I should be excommunicated. I'll see him in the library. Eliza, if my son starts breaking up things... ...l give you full permission to have him evicted. Henry, I suggest you stick to two subjects: the weather and your health. You've had a bit of your own back, as you say. Have you had enough and will you be reasonable or do you want any more? You want me back to pick up your slippers... ...and put up with your tempers and fetch and carry for you. I didn't say I wanted you back at all. Then what are we talking about? Well, about you, not about me. If you come back you'll be treated as you always have. I can't change my nature or my manners. My manners are exactly the same as Colonel Pickering's. That's not true. He treats a flower girl as if she were a duchess. I treat a duchess as if she was a flower girl. I see. The same to everybody. The great secret is not a question of good manners... ...or bad manners or any particular sort of manner... ...but having the same manner for all human souls. The question is not whether I treat you rudely... ...but whether you've ever heard me treat anyone else better. I don't care how you treat me. I don't mind your swearing at me. I shouldn't mind a black eye. I've had one before this. But I won't be passed over! Get out of my way, for I won't stop for you. You talk about me as though I was a motorbus. So you are a motorbus. All bounce and go and no consideration for anybody. But I can get along without you. Don't you think I can't! I know you can. I told you, you could. You've never wondered, I suppose, whether... ...whether I could get along without you? Don't you try to get around me. You'll have to. So I can, without you or any soul on earth. I shall miss you, Eliza. I've learned something from your idiotic notions. I confess that humbly and gratefully. Well, you have my voice on your gramophone. When you feel lonely without me you can turn it on. It has no feelings to hurt. Well, I can't turn your soul on. You are a devil! You can twist the heart in a girl just as easily... ...as some can twist her arms to hurt her. What am I to come back for? For the fun of it. That's why I took you on. You may throw me out tomorrow if I don't do everything you want. Yes. And you may walk out tomorrow if I don't do everything you want. And live with my father? Yes, or sell flowers. Would you rather marry Pickering? I wouldn't marry you if you asked me and you're nearer my age then what he is. -Than he is. -I'll talk as I like, you're not my teacher. That's not what I want and don't you think it is. I've always had chaps enough wanting me that way. Freddy Hill writes me twice and three times a day. Sheets and sheets. In short, you want me to be as infatuated about you as he is, is that it? No, I don't. That's not the sort of feeling I want from you. I want a little kindness. I know I'm a common, ignorant girl, and you're a book-learned gentleman... ...but I'm not dirt under your feet. What I done...what I did was not for the taxis and the dresses... ...but because we were pleasant together and I come to...came... ...to care for you. Not to want you to make love to me... ...and not forgetting the difference between us, but... ...more friendly like. Well, of course. That's how I feel. And how Pickering feels. Eliza, you're a fool! That's not the proper answer. It's the only answer till you stop being an idiot. To be a lady, you must stop feeling neglected... ...if men don't spend half their time sniveling over you... ...and the other half giving you black eyes. You find me cold, unfeeling, selfish, don't you? Off with you to the sort of people you like. Marry a sentimental hog with lots of money... ...and thick lips to kiss you, and thick boots to kick you. If you can't appreciate what you have, then get what you can appreciate. I can't talk to you. You always turn everything against me. I'm always in the wrong. Don't be too sure you have me under your feet... ...to be trampled on and talked down. I'll marry Freddy, I will, as soon as I'm able to support him. The poor devil who couldn't get a job as an errand boy... ...even if he had the guts to try? Don't you understand? I have made you a consort for a king! Freddy loves me. That makes him king enough for me. I don't want him to work. He wasn't brought up to do it as I was. I'll go and be a teacher. What'll you teach, in heaven's name? What you taught me. I'll teach phonetics. I'll offer myself as an assistant to that brilliant Hungarian. What, that imposter? That humbug? That toadying ignoramus? Teach him my methods, my discoveries? You take one step in that direction, I'll wring your neck! Wring away! What do I care? I knew you'd strike me one day. That's done you, 'Enry 'lggins, it 'as. Now, I don't care for your bullyin' an' your big talk. '"What a fool I was '"What a dominated fool '"To think you were the earth and sky '"What a fool I was '"What an addle-pated fool '"What a mutton-headed dolt was I '"No, my reverberating friend '"You are not the beginning and the end'" You impudent hussy! There's not an idea in your head or a word in your mouth that I haven't put there. '"There'll be spring every year without you '"England still will be here without you '"There'll be fruit on the tree And a shore by the sea '"There'll be crumpets and tea without you '"Art and music will thrive without you '"Somehow Keats will survive without you '"And there still will be rain On that plain down in Spain '"Even that will remain without you '"l can do... '"...without you '"You, dear friend '"Who talk so well '"You can go to '"Hartford, Hereford and Hampshire '"They can still rule the land without you '"Windsor Castle will stand without you '"And without much ado We can all muddle through '"Without you! '" You brazen hussy! '"Without your pulling it the tide comes in '"Without your twirling it the earth can spin '"Without your pushing them the clouds roll by '"lf they can do without you, Ducky, So can I '"l shall not feel alone without you '"l can stand on my own without you '"So go back in your shell I can do bloody well--'" '"By George, I really did it I did it, I did it '"l said I'd make a woman and indeed I did '"l knew that I could do it I knew it, I knew it '"l said I'd make a woman and succeed I did'" Eliza, you're magnificent. Five minutes ago you were a millstone around my neck... ...and now you're a tower of strength. A consort battleship. I like you this way. Goodbye, Professor Higgins. You shall not be seeing me again. Mother! What is it, Henry? What's happened? She's gone. Well, of course, dear. What did you expect? What am I to do? Do without, I suppose. And so I shall. If the Higgins' oxygen burns up her little lungs... ...let her seek some stuffiness that suits her. She's an owl sickened by a few days of my sunshine. Let her go. I can do without her. I can do without anyone. I have my own soul! My own spark of divine fire! Bravo, Eliza. '"Damn, damn, damn, damn '"l've grown accustomed to her face '"She almost makes the day begin '"l've grown accustomed to the tune That she whistles night and noon '"Her smiles, her frowns Her ups, her downs '"Are second nature to me now '"Like breathing out and breathing in '"l was serenely independent and content Before we met '"Surely I could always be that way again '"And yet I've grown Accustomed to her looks '"Accustomed to her voice '"Accustomed to her face'" Marry Freddy. What an infantile idea. What a heartless, wicked, brainless thing to do. But she'll regret it. She'll regret it. It's doomed before they even take the vow! '"l can see her now Mrs. Freddy Eynsford-Hill '"ln a wretched little flat above a store '"l can see her now, not a penny in the till '"And a bill collector beating at the door '"She'll try to teach the things I taught her '"And end up selling flowers instead '"Begging for her bread and water '"While her husband has his breakfast in bed '"ln a year or so when she's prematurely gray '"And the blossom in her cheek has turned to chalk '"She'll come home and lo he'll have upped and run away '"With a social-climbing heiress from New York '"Poor Eliza '"How simply frightful '"How humiliating '"How delightful '"How poignant it will be On that inevitable night '"When she hammers on my door ln tears and rags '"Miserable and lonely Repentant and contrite '"Will I take her in Or hurl her to the wolves? '"Give her kindness Or the treatment she deserves? '"Will I take her back Or throw the baggage out? '"Well, I'm a most forgiving man '"The sort who never could, ever would '"Take a position and staunchly never budge '"A most forgiving man '"But I shall never take her back '"lf she were crawling on her knees '"Let her promise to atone Let her shiver, let her moan '"l'll slam the door And let the hellcat freeze'" Marry Freddy. '"But I'm so used to hear her say '"'Good morning' every day '"Her joys, her woes '"Her highs, her lows '"Are second nature to me now '"Like breathing out and breathing in '"l'm very grateful she's a woman And so easy to forget '"Rather like a habit one can always break '"And yet I've grown Accustomed to the trace '"Of something in the air '"Accustomed to her face'" Oh, we are proud. He ain't above givin' lessons, not 'im. I 'eard 'im say so. I ain't come here to ask for any compliment... ...and if my money's not good enough, I can go elsewhere. Good enough for what? Good enough for you. Now you know, don't ya? I'm come to 'ave lessons. And to pay for 'em, too... ...make no mistake. What do you want, my girl? I want to be a lady in a flow'r shop, 'stead o' sellin'... ...at the corner of Tottenham Court Road. But they won't take me unless I can talk more genteel. He said he could teach me. Well, 'ere I am ready to pay. Not askin' any favor, and he treats me as if I was dirt. I know what lessons cost as well as you do and I'm ready to pay. I won't give more than a shillin'. Take it or leave it. It's almost irresistible. She's so deliciously low. So horribly dirty. I'll take it. I'll make a duchess of this draggle-tailed guttersnipe. I washed my face and 'ands before I come, I did. Where the devil are my slippers?