Saturday, June 22, 2013
HEART ATTACK: COLLEGE CRUSH~!
We've known each other for a maximum of nine days and it feels like it's been a month. I became his friend on the first day then later on the second day..we exchanged numbers and that's where our relationship/friendship took off. We texted each other like crazy and we knew things other people didn't know about us. It was fun and nice...I knew there was a little bit of something...something that was coming from him. The compliments the sweet sayings...you know the works! I had a feeling he liked me.
I told him that I wasn't ready to commit to a relationship because my studies comes first. As, you can imagine...I get distracted easily..especially if it's a guy because I will put him first, hence me being totally awesome at giving love advice to experienced active teenagers in the dating area, but not once have I even gotten nor experienced having a boyfriend. It was pretty clear, I had friend-zoned him. He even knows my ex-crush at school.
But..now...I am confused! I had friend-zoned him just a while back then I get all jealous when other girls are next to him or I some times if not all the time...wait for his texts, replies, and even calls. I admit it! I have feelings for him..just a pinch. A lot of girls like him because he's handsome and tall..and even worse..he's sweet! One of the nice ones. I have many girls and friends who like him..and I don't dare to touch him..even though I have an advantage of being his friend. Other girls are afraid to talk to him or even get near him.
One girl even asked him..if he was dating me and he joked around telling me he said yes..but in truth he said no. I panicked..because it was the first for me, to actually be mistaken for dating someone. There was a mini conflict between us. It's all good now, but a school you could feel the tension and a little bit of awkward. Later, on after all that was over...this gay dude...who is supposed-to-be my friend. Totally trashed me on FB saying that I was an "Englishera Palaka(English Frog/Toad)" and also that I should stay away from my friend(the guy).
Betrayed...Sadness...Anger...Jealousy...I felt it all in one go...the burning hurtful comments..that he had posted was just cruel. What have I ever done to him? Aren't we all still strangers to one another? My friend(Nicka) told me about this because she's friends with him on FB..I'm not. I only heard from my other friend(Jhea) that he didn't like me. He still continues to tease me and give me looks. But, he's not the reason why my heart is hurting.
Going back to my little crush. I've told many of my friends who see that there's more than what meets the eye in me and my friend(the guy) friendship..they insist he likes me. I tell them time and time again that we really are just friends...but as I told person to person...I can't help but know and feel as though it's a lie. I do have a place for him..it's not as a friend nor as a crush. I don't know what he is to me. I refuse to have these feelings towards him. Because I'm already getting distracted...I hate it. Besides...I told him already the deal with me and I think it's too late for him to see me as more than a friend.
As, much as I would love to keep him all to myself..and away from all those girls. I can't. I am nothing but just a friend. Like, my cousin said "It's either I had to become one with him or be an annoying midget next to him" She's talking about her and her boyfriend. Studies is not a problem for me..I'm doing perfectly fine actually if not good I'm doing pretty awesome and kicking ass.
Point taken from that, I just really don't know anymore haha....these feelings and also my thoughts aren't willing to negotiate on a solid basis. So, if you may imagine I'm walking around like a crazy lost person. Especially, the last time...when I was wearing a shirt that said the word love on it, and I was pulling it and tugging on it. Because I wanna take it off! hAHA
It's still the same until now...but it's not really all the same..he said in a group message:
"If you love/like a person and that person loves/likes you back?
And you know that you know that you both have feelings for each other.
Don't do something or anything for the fact that will ruin that feeling. Because even the smallest of things can ruin everything. Remember yeah a pencil has an eraser, but if you wrote on it already..its never going to go away no matter how much to try to write over or erase it. You can still see it..
And, At the end of the day ..you're gonna ask yourself WHAT IF?? WHY? And HOW?
Make a sense make a difference"
Haha...I just translated what he texted. So, I'm not at all thinking that this was meant for me...but our situation sorta evolves around it. I don't know what to say to you guys...or do...all I know is that for one thing. For my sake..I'm not gonna be a suck-up...I'm tired of asking "How was your day?" And "Are you alright?"...I want somebody to ask me that for a change.
I guess...he's not the one. Like I said nine days...and now it's been two weeks..
Such a complicated lovelife I have?!?! Haha...truly a life of a hopeless romantic XD