Thursday, September 27, 2012

Is my sister somebody who I used to know?



 Well, here it goes (sighs). My sister hates me! I mean we barely even talk, hug, or do anything that normal siblings/sisters should be doing. Is this jealousy over her bestfriend who I sorta been uncomfortable with for many years and is a bad influence on her? I checked that out of the box long time ago; yes I may get  jealous from time to time, but I always remember that I'm still her sister a part of the family so of course, she would seek comfort from her bestfriend to talk about her problems.

But, I wish she would tell me things and find at least time to listen to me because she rarely does now. What does she do? yeah she answers me back and gives me this fit or attitude. I  invented that okay! I'm the original. i mean when I was in highschool I was popular (sorta), smart, and well bitchy because I was too involved with myself, and I never thought all the times I kept on going out with my friends or to school on weekends for some school stuff she was feeling left behind. DUH! I noticed and she only has one friend her BFF, so I understand and what did I do?  

I take her out to my sleepovers and to that cosplay event. I think of my family even though I'm with my friends all the time I always make sure that we're even and good. Because, I value them especially my sister whose younger than me by one year and is having identity hormonal problems. I made her feel wanted and cool. I always wanted my friends to like my sister so we can hang or all chill out and I was lucky to find two cool people; who are now to known as my bestfriends.

I must admit my sister stole my life. Since, now I'm on hold at school, I have to wait till I go back home to go to highschool all over again. But, that's not the point! every elder sister/brother whose the eldest in the family has the responsibility to pull all the siblings together but what if one of them are pulling away? I mean she wants to be independent i know I was once there in her shoes too. But, I had something she doesn't have just quite yet but she's getting there; is the decency to think about my family and put them first before anything else. 

I guess this all comes from my problems in the past; when I first came here to the Philippines I hated it. I mean I would throw tantrums and all sorts of fits because I was mad at everybody, and I mean everybody in my life most importantly my family. The only person who made me feel better was my mom. And through out the summers I had as a kid; my grandparents would always ask my parents if there was something wrong with me. 

To be honest I never understood too; no matter how hard I tried to remake myself every year it would just get worse, and to think it didn't ended till my last year in highschool I truly became myself again. I'm still scared of that person who I was, and I regret each and every time I never wanted to spend time with my family and that's why I'm so touchy-feely about it. 

I know you must be thinking WOW! she's really honest or very open. What can I say I have no lovelife or any flings just yet and right now my top priority is my family. But, sometimes I think it's me who needs my family more than them wanting me. I just don't want to end up like my dad's family wherein he barely even talks to my uncle because of FAVORITISM (my dad was always the favorite), or like my mom's family her own sisters wouldn't help pay for her surgery when she needed it (my grandparents stepped in and paid for it).

 And definitely not like my grandparents family, I mean they don't talk to each other only when they have something like a problem for my grandma to fix(she's the eldest). Then there's my grandpa his brothers are all a-wall and only come to him for money, family reunion, or they found another long lost relative who is have related to him. Weird ain't it, but I guess what I'm trying to say is that I don't want to end up like them and that's why I'm careful not to something horrible that will mess up or relationship. I just wish my sister could see that when she's doing something and I'm doing something I sometimes look over to my side and sigh a little bit. I mean it's like she just somebody who I used to know.(not the same anymore)


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