Today Is Not Over(Life Post)

This is so troublesome, trying to type this and blog the part 4

Today, was surprisingly the same as always, but with the Super Bowl and all that made me happy. Then the day shifted as I read something I shouldn't have and I totally got burned down to the core; I'm still trying to forget and get over it, but my friend said I wasn't and oh well there's only a few people I can't lie too. AHHHH Life sometimes it makes you happy and sometimes it says "Gotcha" something happens unexpectedly.

AAAAAAWWWW FML. Moving on, I continued to do my shit like, blog and download random shit and stuff. I talked to my friends =)) and even talked to Kuya Jun(Cosplayer and Friend of Big Bro). It was a nice chat then I got bored and bailed. Of course, I exited out nicely and it was nice to know that he doesn't hate me. I've been thinking 'bout lots of stuff and the thing that makes me feel like shit is the fact that look at magazines and talk to people and they have it all figured out, not precisely. But, they got stuff going on.

Like, girls on magazines gave up soccer to help the poor then some people who I know have a lot of accomplishments and stuff. And, I'm here wondering to myself "What the fuck am I doin?" The answer should be simple, living; I guess? but, what's living if you just stay n your house 24 hours a day and do practically nothing , but clean and watch t.v. and stuff. I mean sorry Cinderella, but I ain't too invested in sneaking out of the house and going to a party only to meet the Prince and order a bunch of people to look for me. (I make her sound like, a teenage rebel. haha)

Anyways, what I'm trying to say is that I hate not doing stuff. I mean it's just boring and not normal, I think even my soul wants to live my body to go wander around. Wait, was the word of 2012 in my dictionary and in church it's the year of faith. So, what I got from it is, have faith and just wait. Good motto, I practically tell myself that everyday. I know some people have it harder than me, but I can't help it if I think of myself too sometimes...okay.... all the time.

I want nothing more than to just go home and experience the life that I was supposed to have or at least wished I could have had. But, at least I found a gate way to the secret my parents kept for almost 16 years now. Which is why did we come here? Because we were almost taken away from my parents. Yes, you heard it, my life is that dramatic heck...I am drama and my life is a never ending melodramatic drama.

I read one of my mother's diaries which, she left here. I like to go through  her stuff and just get inspired or when I miss her so, I read and go through her stuff. Just that one paragraph left me and my sister on the edge of despair. Like, why were we to be taken away, and by who? I do remember that when we left home, we were in such a hurry we left practically everything and everyone. I always remember....................

Well, me and my sister decided to keep it a secret that we know about "that" and that we would ask them when were older and ready to listen to what they have to say. Enough about depressing stuff....going to church always makes me feel better, even though the crying kids are so annoying and the priest's long lectures  are down right boring. I still try to listen, but that's not why I go there. I go there to talk to God and bask in the innocent aura that embraces the people that come in.

I suddenly become a saint when I go in,  I may slip a few times here and there, but the man upstairs still forgives. I pray for everyone I love, hate, hate me, and random people who don't even know me. I just pray for everyone. I even sing the songs though, I do not understand half of it and at times I crack or can't breathe from trying to hit the notes. I'm just utterly engulfed in it. It always reminds me of who I am and why I'm here and that my situation doesn't look as bad as I think.

I do pray for Wallace, you know my sister's ex-crush/childhood chibi friend. He hasn't been going to school, he moved some place else, he deleted his fb account, he didn't even tell anyone where he went. And, if he did they're not saying anything. I feel in my gut that something bad had happened to him. I'm really worried and so, is my sister. For heavens sake she cried, because she knows she won't be able to dance with him at prom.

He has a lot of debts at school and he's not that smart, because his Mom keeps on taking his money, which the Dad left for him. So, that she could spend it on herself and her other kids(from different fathers). And, it doesn't help when Ivan(one of Cathy's childhood classmates too) is spreading rumors that he ran away. I know he's 18 and he's partly wise in using money, but I can't help, worry. Hmm.....Stress!!!!

Depressing I know~~~ This girl has got problems and secrets of her own. Some very dark not even the closet people to me know and No, I do not intend on telling them nor having a confession. *sighs* My poor head~~~ rest now rest. Please.