I AM BETTER. I AM STILL CONFUSED.

Reasons Why We Can't Be Together

• He lied to me countless times especially about his smoking habit, yet he says he's sorry and continues to tell me that he'll change and never give up on me. I don't know what to believe and do I even trust him?
• I don't need this extra stress and physical pain in my heart. I'm too young to be heartbroken, is he even worth me crying and feeling this?
• When I don't want it, he wants it. Then when I want it, he doesn't want it. We can't meet in between it's just pretty clear that we both want different things and that it's not meant to be.
• Studies. I know where I stand and my education is everything to me being with him does take a toll on it sometimes. Like, when I'm sad I can't concentrate or when I need to do something, but I'm texting him and I  tell him I need to do it and he let's me, but later texts if I'm done even though I'm not even halfway done. He too needs to concentrate on that and get things done.
• I can't have a boyfriend till I'm 21, when I am stable and have a good education already my Mom said. I think 18 is a good age since I'm practically legal, but I'm okay with 21 actually. 
• I don't think I'm mature enough, I'm looking for love in all the wrong places. 
• I'm leaving soon. Long Distance, it could be a beautiful blessing or a dreadful curse by holding me down. Being tied down this young is just unacceptable.
• Going behind my parents backs is just not a feeling I would want on my shoulders. It may be a fun little secret, but I tell them everything even if you tell me that I shouldn't I just do, okay. And, to tell you the truth I'm the good girl I listen to them in my own way. 
• All my friends say I should move on, because he's just this cold-hearted guy who leaves me hanging on and let's me put in all the effort. He likes the chase and once it ends, he changes and shows his real colors by not even giving a damn. And, that I would meet somebody who's more deserving of my. Is this really him who they say he is? 

Reasons Why I Keep Holding On

• I like him. There's just something he does, his smile. He just does something so right that makes all the wrong disappear.
• He really is shy. Others may suspect and judge that he's cold, he doesn't put in the effort, and stuff. But, being with him even for just a short period of time it's so obvious he's not the others and they don't understand him. Yeah, though it may look as if like he doesn't care and he's never there when I need him and he picks his friends over me, and he barely even gets near me. But, he's there I can feel it even though I don't see it. I always make the first move, because I have too and if you don't believe try these sites why: http://www.gurl.com/2013/10/19/tips-on-how-to-date-a-shy-guy/#1 and http://www.wikihow.com/Know-if-a-Shy-Guy-Likes-You . Trust me if there was a quiz for this he would have passed it! He really is like that. It said in the end that I shouldn't be too pushy and that I shouldn't take his shyness personally.
• I saw something in him that made me completely honest with him. I told him about "boundaries" and how I don't want to get hurt anymore and the fact that I don't give up easily. I really am somebody who pushes and gives effort that my love will actually suffocate you. He listens to me and it just means the world to me, when were just there talking. 
• Before I said no matter what he did I'm okay with it, but after a little space for a week and now going two weeks I just feel as though I'm not a toy to be played with. It's either love or crazy talk! 
• I don't know him that well I'm still in the getting-to-know him stage. I don't want to judge so quickly. 

CONCLUSION

I can either walk away and listen to what other people say and be free or stay and take a chance on him, see how it goes. It was amazing, but good things don't last very long. I think I should talk to him about how I feel. I really am willing to give him another chance, but this coming semester I don't feel like having someone tie me down, I want to concentrate on my work and studies. For now, I'm letting it be though I'm not okay with that. I really would like to just talk it out and not leave someone hanging. I'm such an idiot! Why do I give out chances to these guys, but in the end reject them! Then when I look at the whole relationship at the time I'm the one who gets hurt? And, quite frankly I'm too irrational.