I'm very sentimental when it comes to this topic. I mean I'm the type of girl who likes to read and watch romantic comedy movies, novels, animes, and mangas; just earlier I read on Facebook about this crazy japino girl; who looks nothing like a Japanese is having her second anniversary. I would like to "like" her status but her big gigantic hormonal backstabbing social bubble; was too much for me to surpass my hatred towards her.
What has she done to me? Well, besides dising on my fam! and constantly abruptlingly hating on one of my bestfriends and sister. WE WERE ENEMIES PERIOD. I sometimes even get episodes in my head were I was killing her and I was so hot; cuz I wore heels which peirced through her legs. I maybe a little phsycotic and well, maybe you can say outragously cray cray. But, Com'on haven't anyone thought about killing their bullies in their head, of course.
Anyway, it hit me, I always am the good one; the good girl, the saint, the devil, the nerd, the hot mess, and guys find me attractive but they none has the guts to ask me out. Well, there was one guy, but I rejected him, beacause I knew he wasn't the one for me. I look at myself and I'm freaking sixteen and she's barely fifteen! I mean is there something wrong wtih me, am I a late bloomer? I asked myself multiple times but what I';m trying to find is what comes later in life like, when you're lloking to settle down or you're in your twenty's kind of relationship.
I always find myself too aggressive just as what my friends say. They also, say that I'm like a tiger that jumps in right away even if its all in my head. I would admit though, that I kinda am like that in a way. But, still I just want someone for the first time to love me for me and be concern for me; someone who will actually be there for you. And not some fling which, ends after a week or month. I must say, I'm really mature for my age. I'm like twice my age. I think or more.
But the point is, people say that love and romantic comedy movies are a bunch of B.S. but, its not I think. It's not like I want to sleep with the guy! I just want someone you will take the first move and leap at the first chance he sees me or when I get hurt or something happens to me, he will be the one to comfort and protect me. I know right delusional not something you find in highschool at all.
Teenage boys are like, only want one thing, which is xxx. And trust me its true. Hell, even college guys want to date me just because my looks and they think I'm easy. Then there's my sister's classmates who I'm friends with, but they want to be more than. And that's a huge no no for me. Why can't boys my age, like me. I mean I even watched Degrassi at one point! talking about dramatic much. The hit show friend zone, which was my sister's inspiration for one of her ideal songs(it was good!) showed me that there are some guys out there that are different and decent.
But, sometimes it doesn't work out that well. And.... they kinda aren't cute. If a friend handsome or not, asked me out and confessed to me. I don't know how I would deal with it. I'm very picky, you see. I'm sorta like very violent and bitchy when a guy ticks me off. Like I'm very short tempered when it comes to guys. If a guy who wouldn't give up on me no matter how annoying I get or just makes fun of me and doesn't get mad easily and like he's optimistic that would mean the whole world to me. I just hope he was born or raised like that and not fake's his way to get to me.
That's why "LOVE" in my book is the standard topic that I keep locked away, till someone will fill that one special place in my heart. I may look dominant and very aggressive and mean but in the inside I'm just locking my true self in order to avoid getting hurt. Someday.........he will come........I wonder what he'll look like, be like...... it's not bad to dream, right?