UPDATES: Read my latest dream at the bottom :)
Anime Crushes Can Make You Vulnerable Too
I for one only understand that I've been through this like about 3 or 4 times, because I used to be self-absorbed in K-pop and obsessed over some idols that I barely knew~ but now I don't feel anything towards my former biases, because I never wanted to feel like my whole world was crumbling down and making me regret where I am or where I live...all because of some guy who doesn't even know I exist! See the comparisons with the two...but I'm not talking about other people..I just wonder if I'm not the only one out there that feels this way sometimes...or it's just me.
To tell you the truth I haven't felt that passionate about someone or something in a long time..having to live in a house with a over protective "paranoid" grandparents and "eh..I'm not sure" of a parent's type and always questioning what I do or hang out with or talk too is all very nice, but sometimes very lonely...I seeked comfort from a perfect stranger who've I've never met, but got to know pretty well and he's practically real..I'm telling you..but once I heard is voice once over the phone I quickly chickened out and cut him off from my world. Though we're still friends on FB..I'm just ignoring him.
I gotta tell you it's not all me though, like our anime crushes are to blame too ya know! with all their slick moves and mushy sayings and the dashing strength and agility they all possess.They make you laugh and cry and blush and all for what? I mean it's like they want you to fall in love with them! Like, that's how the creators or writers make them to be~ otherwise we'll all be bored to brains without any say or do. I just wanted to say that as far as having real crushes which I have many from before...and having anime crushes.
The only difference is that real crushes are what you want to fall in love with you and anime crushes are what you want to see, that you cannot find in a person or in the real world. So, in other words they're our sanctuary wherein we can choose our partners, our types, they're eyes and we can actually change them and they never disappoint! As, in real life I have no comment...like I can name a bunch of my crushes who I liked from before who have disappointed me along the way. Fantasy is my only happiness in this real life..I can easily ditch love for anime. Not saying I wanna stay a loner forever or forever alone..
It's just better this way..my family tell me I'm overreacting, but aren't I just a normal teenager trying to figure out things on her own? I refuse to seek guidance from them, because I already know it's something they won't understand or won't even try to understand. They'll just think I'm weird! But, I'm over it and I'm back to my normal self..it's nice to be touching the keyboard again and actually typing instead of posting funny pictures that I use to hide my laziness to type.. :)
"ANIME CRUSHES:
BECAUSE REAL PEOPLE SUCK."
Royal Seventeen
Well, I know I didn't tell you my b-day details yet..but to tell you the truth not much happen it was all fun and all, but because it was totally unexpected..I was taken a back a bit and concentrated more on the fact that my whole Dad's Family Side the whole shebang..parade will be coming. I loved to tell you the truth it was better than my last b-day to the cake the guests the food and practically everything. I know right! what happened to that spoiled sixteen year old who acted like a sweet princess all the time. Maybe, she grew up..I don't know.
Royal as ever..I'm still the boss of things and everything I want I shall get otherwise it's a meaningless useless piece of trash of an obstacle in my way. Sorry.. if i'm too descriptive on my choice of words. I still get pushed around by my grandma, because I'm not her favorite and no matter what I do is always wrong and even if my mom had told me to stop trying to make her like me. I should be concentrating on other things because she's not my parents first of all she said. And, that whole Anne Frank Diary..book yeah I've been learning lots from a perky thirteen year old who also had to grow up fast. I have a diary too and I'm like on my 5th one, so I do feel like I'm invading her privacy as I read it. Because lets face it nobody wants to anyone to read or hear their very thoughts right?
And, let me just call this out..I mean what kind of name is Hello? short for Helmouth..I know I shouldn't be dissin on some dead jews name, but man that's messed up. Like, how would people say hi to him like "Hello, Hello!" That's just nonsense isn't? Moving on, from that! I kinda don't feel seventeen at all..I mean except for the the recent happenings of me getting blame for every damn thing my brothers do wrong and my Dad's reason is because "You're the oldest". What Bull! You don't see me blaming an old lady for no reason just because she's old. Urgh! the nerve of some people. Anyway, yeah seventeen! hehehe shit! I'm like gonna be eighteen next year and I'm barely the size of a normal American teenager..I still get mistaken for a 14 year old. I hope I don't turn out like that orphan girl from the movie Orphan. Gosh! what a scary movie.
"But, in truth..I really do think I got smarter in life. As, last year was not my year and many things happen way too fast. This year I didn't have a birthday wish..(I blanked out..Twice as I blew the candles) that just means I'm finally welcoming the unexpected. Unlike before.."
Laughing Again. Real Emotion
I'm very happy this year, I'm laughing for real again~ I went through some hard changes back then and now that it's partially over and a little has been lifted off my shoulders, I don't feel that much pinned to the ground *excuse expression* I can watch a movie and really connect with the story line and be moved to tears, I could go watch a funny movie and I actually will think it's funny. I've been somewhat the Old-Ashley, one who makes jokes and says random things aloud and makes people laugh. Losing my confidence last year, pretty much put me in a dark place.
I would actually say, I was bored talking to people and I hate it when other people's lives affects mine. Selfish and wronged..I made myself regret many many things that I've done in the past and now I feel as though I have been reborn hahahaha Naruto? I'm just kidding~ That was too serious for me to take. I could say that I actually make some dirty jokes now and then and my childhood friend would laugh because they're mostly about my sister hahahhaa, because she likes cheap stuff and is like Saint. No wonder, her name was after Saint Anne, I think? But, yeah I'm pretty much happy and contented nowadays.
"I don't feel that much pinned to the ground *excuse expression*"
I'm Happily Dreaming Again~
Future Life in Future China
Who is this chick? And what anime does she come from?
Because I'm happy again~ I can now I say I've been having awesome psychopathic dreams again hahaha. Well, this time..Me, My Dad, and my brothers and sister moved to China. Like, I thought they didn't allow parents to have more than one child??? Anyway, and we had this awesome house..I shall explain and give you a word by word tour of the place. Cute Chibi plants on each side as you enter and then stop to the front door..you come inside and you have to take one step up, like a mini one step stairs. Because that's where we take our shoes off. Then to your left you'll see giant sofa's and curtains and a flat screen as you walk into the family room.
Then walk a little further and you'll see on your right a bunch of paintings on a wall, because on your right right..there's a door and that leads to the purple room(Where me and my sister stays) and then you'll see a bathroom and also a living room area infont of the room..of course it is not faced but spaced with each other..then you'll see a stairs on the left, leading up to the second floor (Where another living room awaits having one bathroom out in the hall and about four rooms(the Blue(for the boys), Green (Grandparents (they're not there, so my Dad stays in there), and Pink(Me and my sister's former room now a storage room area). Walk straight and you'll see a big narrow glass window covered by a big bamboo plant. Going downstairs, there's a mini closet under stairs(right side, under) where we put the mops and stuff..then you turn to face to the kitchen, which is really big and has a beautiful marble white and floral design all over.
And, besides that closet is sorta the fridge with wooden cabinets above from top to bottom. And, a very wide window that is sorta like a shades so you can see who's coming in from the back door, because on the left side there's a back door leading to the garden beside us on the left side of the house. And, that's practically the whole house. Moving on, there was a burglar or at least somebody trying to break in towards the back door and so I woke up from my dream..got up to get a glass of water when I saw the burglar jingling the door knob. I quickly ran upstairs to call my Dad and he came as fast as he could, but the guy had already left. Just.in case he might come back my Dad curled the little gold-metal-ish thing that locks the door even more so that it would not open at all. Good thing, we left the shades open! We leave it open when it's either hot or the sky is beautiful~to listen to the sounds of a praying mantis at night.
The following night~ My Dad had heard some noise from downstairs and we all rushed out of beds and into our sleepovers to see the ruckus, but it was a false alarm it was just my Chinese Lola Baby and Chinese Lolo Vic(they're both Filipino, but in my dream they have very chinki eyes and are very short). They came in the middle of the night to give me a clothe that had my name plainly sowed on it "Ashley" it read. Weird!!!! Anyway, My Dad brought them upstairs and asked for some advice on what we should do about the whole burglar situation since, this our first time leaving in this place. I sowed that one piece of blue clothe to another poorly made blue clothe and that was it! Freeeaky!~!! I should say~ This is where it gets weird. My Lolo and Lola had advised us to get a dog, but don't they eat dog here? If they do wouldn't it be hard to find one? But, of course I just listened.
After they had left~ we had an emergency family meeting wherein my Dad asked us what kind of dog we wanted. And, I demanded a panda! and out of the blue we skipped into me and my sister's room where infront of our twin beds held a baby panda in a cage~ I wanted to keep it and my Dad was questioning whether or not. I try to hug it, but it gnarled at me that I just fed it bamboo through the cage instead. My sister wanted a turtle as she let it lay on her arm gently perusing it's shell. My Dad yelled "No!" and every pet we imagined had disappeared before our very eyes. My brother came down with his bunch of toy coupons saying he could get us a dog that would cost nothing at all because of his coupons and we wouldn't have to buy anything for it, because it comes along with it. The package came and instead of a dog it was a giant camera set with a GCI screen or whatever and also a mini handy camera~ he took a picture of me and my sister against the screen and we had a good photo of the both of us in a jungle.
It was like an actual professional camera but a toy! My Dad and everyone gathered around and we have completely forgotten about the dog we were supposed to get? The next few months~ because in here I'm still in high school~ I and along with my sister take traditional dancing and my two brothers-Karate. In order, for us to learn the language of the Chinese people. My Dad hired a tutor who could tutor us all in our extra-curricular activities and also with our studies. My Dad lost the battle against my Mom..who insisted on hiring the cute college student who needed a few extra cash and a bit of experience to put down on his credits list for job offers. I for one really enjoyed learning from him~ I've somewhat have developed a little Chinese crush on the young man. After weeks and weeks of practicing and learning and spending time together. We(My brothers, me, and my sister) fell to the floor with our ears wide open as our tutor told Daddy~about our recent developments or not.
He began saying that my little brother, Jarod...has done a good job learning karate, but is lacking in the Chinese Language a tat bit.. then next my youngest little brother, Nathan..is terrific in karate, but is desperately lacking in language..he sorta has that spelling and memorizing problem with English, but it's gotten better over the years. And, Cathy he quote "A beautiful dancer", but has to give more energy and as for her studies more attention..for she keeps on confusing herself as she sleeps in class. And, lastly Me! My head was done to the ground that I could feel my ears turn red, but I didn't care..I only care about what he has to say about me. He said that while he was my partner..I have improved a lot as practice makes perfect..Then for my language skills I have a bit of an accent but good diction and pronunciation. Of course, even in my sleep i'm making myself better than the rest hahahah...
Pleased with the results, My Dad and our Hot Chinese Tutor shook on it and left. His services wasn't needed anymore, but just in case he said he will always be available to help us with something. I shocked to find out that he had gotten a student-teacher job at my high school ~ nervous as I was already going to a different school with different people then they add him! Why! I already had guest he would be a major distraction for me. Even though it's been a few months, I have not one friend at school~ so I always get picked on for being different~ I take it anyway, because I have no idea what they're saying to me so, I never minded them. Till one day~ as I was walking down the halls with my books in hand...a bunch of kids my age started to yell out to me different kinds of Chinese words and names..I did not understand..I kept on walking and as I was right about to walk into the nest building I heard a voice yell out "OI" and I turned to see who it was.
And, it was him! HOT CHINESE TUTOR! He was passing by and heard the words they were saying and started to scold them..not knowing who he had defended. I was flustered and I hid my face with my books in hand and I looked to the side only to see another boy standing on the other side...just watching me and as soon as our eyes met he smiled and turned to walk away...I blushed even more, because he was cute. I felt like my hands were moving on it's own as I felt my hands come done along with my books and he was surprised! Hot Chinese Tutor, smiled and asked if I was okay and insisted he walk me home. As, weird as it was I couldn't help but be moved by both sides of the fence. Who was that mysterious good-looking boy and why did he smile at me? and Hot Chinese Tutor, why does he have this power over me? I'm confused again and that's where my dream ends heheh because I had to go to church. >.< too bad, but hey it was hell of a good dream. :))
THAT'S ALL FOR TODAY FOLKS.
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