"I cannot adult today.."
WHAT'S UP, PANDA'S?
I know it has been like forever since I actually wrote to you or even posted on my blog. BUT, trust me. I've been busy and secretly lazy ^^" sorry to break my promise of keeping y'all updated. Anyhow, life has been busy. XD Guess what? I'm in my third year of college taking up all three of my majors, tax, law, business investment, and political science. T^T (huhu) As you can imagine I have committed a huge mistake of taking both Taxation and Law at the same time. Damn! Senior's not warning me! XD haha
Everyday I go home at 7pm because of my night classes then I still manage to eat and wash up then do a little bit of my advance reading and requirements before I pass out from shear exhaustion. See? no time. For reals. BUT for your sake guys. I've been taking care of myself. The first week may have been rough but I'm getting a hang of it. :) On the bright side, I see it as a challenge. I listen in class and try to perform my absolute best! For I got a new goal in life. I am aiming to be my batch's Valedictorian ^^" Although, I highly doubt it cause I'm not sure if I'll be able to graduate over here plus, there is a lot other students who are better than me. So, I tend not to expect anything. Just go with the flow~ :3
Like, right now...I was supposed to take a shower and do advance reading and my assignments, but dammit! It is a Friday. XD haha I still got tomorrow and Sunday. Other than my studies. Since, I am in no position whatsoever in school. I kissed goodbye my EIC scholarship (it wasn't working out) and I rejected offers like being the successor to my UCBMA org. My full devotion is to my studies, family, and friends now. Although, there have been some huge offers and recruiters approaching me for like President of the school or VP of the school or even just the President of my org. I refuse. However, they won't accept my 'no'. They just tell gave me until Monday to make up my mind. TT
The reason you may ask? Is that my Dad is finally leaving the Philippines. :) We're going back home very soon!!! I'm overjoyed cause I really want to start that new chapter in my life, but having to be left with my grandparents over here till my parents come and get us is kinda not so joyful. ^^ I'm freaking out!!! haha I gotta take care of my siblings and balance my studies and act mature and make adult decisions and do adult things. >< I admit ! I'm terrified! I'm not used of not having my parents around. If that makes any sense? ^^" Hays. I know. I know. I'm a big baby. XD haha
Other than that my mom has been working two jobs now just because.... it is hard living in America. XD My little sister talks too much and has been irresponsible, my little middle brother dances too much and almost got a gf at the age of 14 TT I did not handle it well. *shakes head* I yelled at him to break it off then cry uncontrollably when he started pouring out his heart to me. Too much information people. Lastly, my little brother is President of his class, been chilling with his friends, and voted himself for counselor of the school. XD He's finally getting into the whole active teenager thing which is sometimes a bitch if I may say cause when I ask him to do something. He writes me off or complains now. TT
Anyways, FRIENDS! Since I am now just a regular college student. I spend time with my besties inside and outside of class. I talk to them for hours, we laugh a lot, we save and then eat out together. I was even surprised when all my best guy friends confessed to me all their love life stories in one day! :D Guysss!!! I finally know what it feels like to have friends XD haha But nahh sometimes I sit next to them in class and they're so noisy or hyper that I have to ignore them in order to understand what our professor is saying XD Oh! College life! How I'll sorta miss and not miss them XD I'm trying not to be my anti-social self again. ^^ As, I said i'm making the most out of my time here :)
I did however told my two college besties that was a possibility that I would be leaving sooner than expected. One threatened to jump off the second floor and the other went crazy and said she would talk to our school statues if I did. They balled right in front of me of course, but I did not. I am saddened that I will have to leave them, but that's what I wanted all these years to go home. I was surprised that they cried because I never had anybody cry over me. Nobody who wasn't my bestfriend, Nic. I was just happy that I found such wonderful friends in college. :)
Of course, I wouldn't forget about my best friend, Nicole. :) Guys. This time she actually messaged me first. haha XD Can you believe it? Look who's not-so-clingy now, huh? ;-) Right now, we are currently chatting on Facebook. hehe We've both been busy with school. It seems we're all on the same boat called reality. We are in the stage of training for our future jobs. :)
AAAAANNNNNDDDDD, the last but not the least... *sighs* my love life. Let's put it this way...A is for Present (Bae); B is for Past (a.k.a. Ex-Almost); and C is for Future( as in wedding bells and kids). Right now, honestly.. I'm not thinking about my C. Because, I am confused. I don't see myself ending up with anybody actually. Maybe before....but now A has changed and I think myself and my feelings toward A have changed as well. Our bond is not the same as before. A always comes home late nowadays; chats with me then takes forever to reply till I am sleepy because only Lord knows what he's doing; doesn't really do gentleman-ish things as much as before (I actually had to talk about it with him); and doesn't keep his word unlike before. There is little effort and I am kinda getting tired of being the one who's always available and reliable when it comes to him. I am the fool once again. I gave a lot of effort and I got the end of the stick again.
Now, here comes the confusing part. B came back. Since then, B has been chatting with me, complimenting me, spying on me during my class. My past feelings for B has somehow arisen. Don't get me wrong. I am serious about A, but B is being a nuisance into the picture. I can't help but feel like I am cheating in a way...like emotional? I am not getting close to B but just talking to him makes me feel bad. I said I would cut off all ties with B. Like, I told A that I chatted with him last time and A got jealous and said not to talk to him anymore because we had a past, but he trusts me and it is my decision because he does not want to control me. However, I still chatted with him just to greet him 'Happy Birthday'. I feel guilty. I mean I tried to be his friend and forgive and forget, but I think I made a mistake of doing so because I let him slip back into my life. TT Asshole.
My thoughts on this absurd situation. I just think I'm noticing B because of the attention I'm not receiving from A. And, my C.... I still see myself as a 28 or 30 year old husband-less woman. Who's got cats and lives in an apartment and does nothing but work all day and all night. ^^" Hopefully, A will fix things between us and he'll be the one who owns my heart. Please do...
That's all for today, Panda's!! Shall update you guys soon again! :)
P.S. I'm not into anime, manga, or K-pop as much anymore. ^^" I'm more on cross-stitching, sewing, knitting, cooking. hehe Just making things, really. ^^" Who knows I might post one of my work someday. :)
Love,
Ashley
