Thursday, September 27, 2012

Is my sister somebody who I used to know?



 Well, here it goes (sighs). My sister hates me! I mean we barely even talk, hug, or do anything that normal siblings/sisters should be doing. Is this jealousy over her bestfriend who I sorta been uncomfortable with for many years and is a bad influence on her? I checked that out of the box long time ago; yes I may get  jealous from time to time, but I always remember that I'm still her sister a part of the family so of course, she would seek comfort from her bestfriend to talk about her problems.

But, I wish she would tell me things and find at least time to listen to me because she rarely does now. What does she do? yeah she answers me back and gives me this fit or attitude. I  invented that okay! I'm the original. i mean when I was in highschool I was popular (sorta), smart, and well bitchy because I was too involved with myself, and I never thought all the times I kept on going out with my friends or to school on weekends for some school stuff she was feeling left behind. DUH! I noticed and she only has one friend her BFF, so I understand and what did I do?  

I take her out to my sleepovers and to that cosplay event. I think of my family even though I'm with my friends all the time I always make sure that we're even and good. Because, I value them especially my sister whose younger than me by one year and is having identity hormonal problems. I made her feel wanted and cool. I always wanted my friends to like my sister so we can hang or all chill out and I was lucky to find two cool people; who are now to known as my bestfriends.

I must admit my sister stole my life. Since, now I'm on hold at school, I have to wait till I go back home to go to highschool all over again. But, that's not the point! every elder sister/brother whose the eldest in the family has the responsibility to pull all the siblings together but what if one of them are pulling away? I mean she wants to be independent i know I was once there in her shoes too. But, I had something she doesn't have just quite yet but she's getting there; is the decency to think about my family and put them first before anything else. 

I guess this all comes from my problems in the past; when I first came here to the Philippines I hated it. I mean I would throw tantrums and all sorts of fits because I was mad at everybody, and I mean everybody in my life most importantly my family. The only person who made me feel better was my mom. And through out the summers I had as a kid; my grandparents would always ask my parents if there was something wrong with me. 

To be honest I never understood too; no matter how hard I tried to remake myself every year it would just get worse, and to think it didn't ended till my last year in highschool I truly became myself again. I'm still scared of that person who I was, and I regret each and every time I never wanted to spend time with my family and that's why I'm so touchy-feely about it. 

I know you must be thinking WOW! she's really honest or very open. What can I say I have no lovelife or any flings just yet and right now my top priority is my family. But, sometimes I think it's me who needs my family more than them wanting me. I just don't want to end up like my dad's family wherein he barely even talks to my uncle because of FAVORITISM (my dad was always the favorite), or like my mom's family her own sisters wouldn't help pay for her surgery when she needed it (my grandparents stepped in and paid for it).

 And definitely not like my grandparents family, I mean they don't talk to each other only when they have something like a problem for my grandma to fix(she's the eldest). Then there's my grandpa his brothers are all a-wall and only come to him for money, family reunion, or they found another long lost relative who is have related to him. Weird ain't it, but I guess what I'm trying to say is that I don't want to end up like them and that's why I'm careful not to something horrible that will mess up or relationship. I just wish my sister could see that when she's doing something and I'm doing something I sometimes look over to my side and sigh a little bit. I mean it's like she just somebody who I used to know.(not the same anymore)


Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Halloween is coming!

Beside my family; Halloween is the next thing I love most!  I can't wait to dress-up and pretend like I'm somebody else and get candy, but the thing I love about Halloween is the pumpkins; I just love em.

Last night I fixed up the house and put some major freaky things. The old decorations my mom has I had to put a few adjustments and then hang them all up. After I did that I moved on to making my own decorations by myself. Since, the boys were sleeping, my sister was working on the computer, and dad eh this ain't his kind of stuff.

So, I took out like the toys my brothers had that look like they're really the real deal. Like, the spider and the two snakes, oh my gosh! I have to say it was soo funny when my sister was about to go to bed she was walking upstairs and when she looked up she saw on the window a snake. It was dark i must admit I put it there on purpose i made it look real life-ish and then I also put one on the mini railing they're both going to the room or like to the roof.

Hhehehe I guess I made it look to real. She literally stopped in the middle of the stairs stared at it and asked me if I put the snakes there, and I was like ah yeah why? heheh Then she called me freaky and scary. Oh well,  anyway, I'm going to post the photos of the house soon. Even the snakes and the secret Halloween decoration I made thats's soo awesome.

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

My New Show

My new show Sket Dance. I think I finally got a good one I honestly thought it was over for me to find some of best of the best anime's out there. Because of me being picky and choosy about the plot, genre, and looks of the characters.

The first episode I gotta say blew me away. I mean it's everything I wanted it to be and more. the first episode was about this new transfer student trying to remake himself but having a hard time to do so. Since, Im'ma be leaving soon and going to a new school and environment I can relate to him. I also feel like I can remake myself when I get there. 

Finally get the courage to join the clubs I always wanted to without anyone telling me I can't because of favoritism. I feel new and free when I just think about it. Making new friends and people wanting to recruit me into their clubs. 

Bullying was a in the first episode and like what Bossun said "Bullies always say it's just a joke but it's dead serious to one who's being bullied". Being bullied for 10 years in school I've built up a wall to protect myself and that's why I don't have many friends till I entered fourth year of high school. That's why just watching this show makes me all excited to look into the future I am confident though there will be some ups and downs I will never give up!

¡Vamos! español

Well, this is a total set back. I know the title maybe in Spanish, but there is no why I would be able to even just make that one sentence. So, i used Goggle's technology and BAM! that's what ya get. Even if I tried reasoning with my parents and my grandparents; they still wouldn't listen to me. I know all four languages (English, Tagalog, Japanese, and Korean) Why not Spanish too?

But, here's the deal I'e been going to this website I've tried learning in June and July, but this still haven't gotten together. Who would have thought the language of Love can have some perks to it. I mean there's just too many distractions for me when I'm learning on the computer. I mean there's Youtube, Facebook, Twitter, and Hotmail. None at all interest me except Youtube.

So now I've settled my mind after one month of not learning anything and just doing nothing. Gosh! it was horrible an Aries do nothing even I myself got bored out of my brains and started having stupid conversations and ideas. More than I usually have. If you don't mind me saying IT'S COMPLICATED! All the characters and didn't spelling and stuff. even Dora couldn't teach me well, to be honest I once knew the whole theme song of Dora the Explorer in SPANISH. How hard could it be.

I mean Sam from glee can learn a song and sing it so sexy then why can't I and just another note I memorized some things but since i stopped learning it I forgot about all of it, but that still counts. Right?
I do love learning new things mostly languages I mean how do you think I learned Korean and Japanese I watch a lot of  Anime's and K-Dramas on tv and cd.

And I sorta pick it up like the cute accents and sayings and use them for my own benefit. Like, when I went to school my old school of course, because I already graduated. I told my old principal that he was bad or something in Spanish and he didn't know a thing. i didn't know what to tell him so I told him that it meant he was handsome and it totally worked, on my soul I will never ever do that again unless a situation calls for it.

Right now I have three documents which need to be printed (Spanish Lessons) and more than 111 pages. i know it's killing me. I hope my brain ca just accept all that information. And that I don't lose my English skills like what happened when I learned Tagalog over here. I'm still currently trying to gain it back, but i think in time when I go back home it'll all work out.

Saturday, September 22, 2012

A Day Frolicking At The Mall

Finally, I got to go out and it was at a mall but I'm still not feel'in it; maybe it's because those people at the mall were staying at me. What can ya do it's a local mall in a small town where weird, judgmental, and poor saby people live. Of course, I'm not one of them. I mean who stares at somebody walking just like them but wearing a white buttoned shirt, jean shorts, brown leather belt, and white ribbon wedges. Sure, I was tall and better looking eh... oh well I didn't care too much not to be happy and enjoy myself.

Since, dad was out in Max chilling with "old people" a.k.a. his classmates batch something something. We and and I mean my siblings got to run around the mall and spend money and buy stuff. The mall was small so we didn't care if my brother kept on running ahead of us; who am I kidding I'm the eldest I was freaking out like crazy. Good thing he's slightly big so he walks back slowly because he gets tired easy. ( heheheh) Lucky for me I don't have to chase him.

The funny things that happened that day was that when we went into the mall we separated from our dad and   went straight to Jollibee to have lunch. My sister and I couldn't read the menu on top because we didn't have our eyeglasses on because we were in a hurry and I forgot mine and my sister just doesn't want to wear hers.  So when my brother stepped in he was all over the place even if he had eyeglasses and we asked hope much the price was he still wasn't helping. Instead we told them to find chairs in the end they came back with no chairs to sit on. Good thing this couple was leaving so we sat down.

Another moment was when we were ordering it was soo embarrassing; right my sister was the one ordering and I had the money calculating it. We only had 600 pesos on ourselves which dad gave to us. Anyway, she managed to freak out and be nervous that she ordered 4 b1 and 2 chicken w/ fries and 4 coke drinks. And the total was 656 pesos! I literally panicked because I didn't know what happened and I asked her to go ask money from dad because I thought what we ordered was really 656 pesos. So, when she left i saw 4 burgers on our tray and I asked the guy why their were 4 and he said because your sister said so. I apologized immediately and told him the right thing 2 b1, 2 chicken w/ fries, and 4 coke drinks. In the end it was a total of 248 I think.

I told the guy she was just nervous but I suddenly became nervous because no one was there to help me carry the food and it was 2 trays good thing she came and we took our food and finally found a spot to eat. Then as we were eating I explained to her that B1 stood for burger number one and she was like "ooh I thought it meant drinks".

Then we moved on to go look for shoes and yes, we were loud as hell talking in English with a bunch of Filipino sales ladies talking smack behind our backs. But I didn't quite mind them as much. I reserved it till we came back and bought it after dad's reunion. Then we went to the second floor gave my brothers some money like only 20 pesos and me and my sister went to the bookstore. We bought lots of things like gifts for our parents(my idea of course) for their birthday's in November, I bought book-markers (horoscopic ones), my sister bought a paint brush which is off-limits to us, and my brothers bought a k-zone magazine.

Then we went to go buy ice cream; my sisters idea because she wanted to buy paint but they didn't have acrylic. She's so picky sometimes. We bought the bear cone ones but, it wasn't till my sister showed me the cone I understood why it was called bear cone. I guess I was too involved in not losing one of my siblings. after taking a short break we went into the department store. I slowly entered into those bar thingy's because the last time I went around one I got in trouble because it went off in another store. But, funny thing was I didn't buy anything.

So, when we all went inside we walked till I saw this hat with pony tails and I looked at my youngest brother and begged him to put it on. So, he did and we got the picture it was hilarious. My other brother put on another hat that had the letter A on it I asked him if it stood for asshole since, he usually is one to me. Then we looked at toys and almost bought a shower curtain and lay on a cheetah bed. But, we decided not too. Then my youngest brother told me what he wanted for Christmas; boy that was easy.

Oh yeah, I also made my sister try on this big Philippines basketball shirt that went all the way to her knees. I didn't do anything wacky because I was too busy trying to keep them walk in pairs or in a straight line. After the reunion dad caught up with us bought my brother's school shoes and went grocery shopping with us for Taco night. The store didn't sell taco shells it was an abomination but anyway, we bought Doritos, cheese(original), Sprite, and breakfast for two days and some evaporated milk for the jello I made the other day.

All in all this day was a blast but painful one too not emotionally but physically. Am I losing my shopping streak! I think not! It was just my menstruation kicking in. And boy it really kick in my back and stomach was hurting like crazy we had to move three times to sit down on a chair because I thought it was the chair the reason my back was hurting. My bad. We were supposed to go to church but I guess decided not to because everyone is poofed I think that's a word oh well. That wraps up my entries for today. Till next time.

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Stress Relief Song


I can't help it anymore! Everyday since, I've been staying at home till I can go back home to America. I clean the house then I watch t.v. while, I fold laundry and that's my daily morning routine. And every time I turn on the channel CNN or on the TODAY show. I see nothing but tragic happenings.

For example, the weather conditions here in Asia it keeps on raining with such little sunlight to grow crops and the farmers land out back behind my house is now a freaking swimming pool; a nasty riverish one too.
That's why my extended family had to move in but now that they're out; oh yeah did I mention they left because their drunken gay lesbian daughter who is so confused was uncomfortable here. No Shit Sherlock! I mean I saw what she does everyday no job and acts like a fat goddess but i don't say anything plus we ain't close and thank god we're not because I cannot handle hearing her complains and excuses on life.

Going back now, like the race for the white house  it's depressing though I think I'm republican now but later I keep on switching. I mean both parties offer stuff to us but what we're really worried about is that our economy and whole country is drowning; and nothing is getting done. Promises here and there is all I here and their ads please.. I mean i call that wasting money and showing it off to the world the independent voter aren't stupid enough to go "huh I should vote this guy because his ad is right." Like Wait..What! HELLO! that's not how it goes. But it still comes down to the voters and who they will vote for. Right now, my mom is in America struggling for a better high paying job. I wish I was old enough to go work but laws have changed now you have to be eighteen to work. But, I could still baby-sit for the neighbors that wouldn't hurt. I just wish that things will get better and soon. Cuz, I don't want to see my family lose their houses, my auntie's cancer treatment, my grandparent medicine because it's too expensive, and my uncle who only get's to see his kids once a week before he leaves early to go to Napa to work. I see that everyday because it affects me too emotionally and mentally.

Moving on, to that horrific uprising in the middle east. I mean i thought we were allies since, we practically come to their aid all the time when they need help and back-up. And all because of some stupid ignorant horrible movie they are willing to throw it all away. I know how they feel I really do; heck I have two Islamic friends and they're both deeply hurt by it. But you don't see them taking it out on me since I'm an american. No! violence is never the answer to solve our problems. That day when I heard about the Lebanon official i think; who got killed with three others. I felt sick to my stomach because he was so passionate and seemed so kind-hearted towards the people there then he die that way it seems unfair to me. I'm not picking sides because I know the search for the one who made the movie and the message sent out from the president was too late. And I'm not blaming anyone for this except the person who have caused this.

Well, I guess that sums it up. i mean the latest I have heard is the suicide bombing of on afghan person on a bus I think with foreigners. I pray the lost lives. I wish it would be like the Olympics again. Peaceful and quiet.

Being the bigger person

Sometimes, I get annoyed when my sister and brothers act like total complete idiots all the time even though their old enough (11, 12, 15). I mean seriously; oh that too,they also make fun of me because I say the word "seriously" alot but i that's just because whatever they do they act stupid while doing it. So, in the end can you blame me. 

Then there were exams which was yesterday and the day before that. Wow, it was so overwhelming; trying to teach your brothers in Math which you hardly get and suck at. I conquered it that too and ended up understanding and memorizing things myself. Weird!
But, YEY! it's finally done uh and then I need to see the results and tell my mom who depends on me to teach those two bozoes. 

I love them but it's hard to do when they're a bunch of URGHHHH every word to describe stupid, loser, lazy and braty kids. I think that's some of it i guess. Like, now it's going to rain so I told them to take down the clothes hanging outside, what do they do complain as always what a bunch of girls. Not hating on no one just practically jointing down things that happen to me. I did not yell at them though they yell and say bad things to me.

Now, onto the sister not that much has happened but while I've been helping her out and stuff and that was the time when she didn't want me to fix her hair. Fast-forwarding to when I was writing about my freedom speech. Can you believe the nerve she at out at Jollibee without us!
she stole my life for sure; always going out and having friends over and not being able to stay home because of extended projects and work requirements for school. 

The tables have turned but I never had an attitude like that and to think when I got out and stuff I pay them back by doing chores, cleaning things, and behaving properly. I think her friend is getting to her since now she has "friends" besides her bestfriend. The report cards came in and my younger brother did horrible. He has three C's and most of them are satisfactory. While, the other one he's got all b's but, I feel bad for my sister she has some tough competition and now she's sixth in her class. On the bright side, she will get a medal like best in Filipino if she keeps on getting an A.

My dad booted me off the computer again so I couldn't finish sooner. At least he didn't take over completely he only took over to scan the report cards to mom. So, see sometimes I can't believe I'm saying this it's better to hold in you're grudge to avoid hurting the ones you love. I know I call my brothers and sister stupid and stuff most of the time but that's our language they call me the same when I'm acting bossy and crazy.

I guess feel more relieved I talked to my mom before I can post on the internet or write in my anger- management diary. Her advice helped me alot and the awesome part is she told me I can answer back to them because they need to be taught a lesson that you do not disrespect your elders or me the eldest. That goes out for my sister who says she's rebelling. I do wonder since the field trip is on Thursday I hope she doesn't get lost. I mean I may want to go all "Insane Ashley" or "Crazy Bitchy Ashley" on them. I don't and I just break, tear, or throw something to calm myself; it's more healthier they say. And that's being the bigger person. 

Saturday, September 15, 2012

I have my freedom back!!!!

Finally, my relatives are outta here!!! I mean it was beginning to become a drag watching one of cousins act so stupid and foolishly towards her own mother; can you believe that. I mean coming home late and then drinking and sleeping all day and then her mother has to do everything for her. Like, seriously I wanted to grab her by the hair and tell her to get real. She sees me everyday since this my house doing things and I don't know moving my ass. She's like what twenty-three years old and she has no job, fat, loves to drink, come home late, make her mom do everything for her, and mostly not live life.

I mean yo don't see me relying on my parents but I'm an exception since, I'm still a minor and she's like an adult. ERRR..... my step-cousin is like that and he does weed which caused my dad to go into my Facebook account and un-friend him. Now, we barely talk and he smokes weed and lives with his friends since, my uncle kicked him out. BTW he was eighteen; I on the other hand am sixteen got high hopes and just wanna rock out right now. 

I was so mean to them that when they left I yelled out PARTY!! I can walk around the house freely and not be awkward, cry when I watch a sad episode of my anime show or laugh out loud and not be called out for it or laughed at. Eat what I want when I want. Dammit gotta go because my dad his taking me to eat at their house or something. Because it's somebody's birthday "free food" I guess. And now I'm being yelled out for not changing. Say What!!!! yeah freaking stupid brothers don't know how to dress themselves up. Fuck my Life. Don't worry it's not totally fucked it's just how i feel right now.

Sorry I couldn't finish gotta go!!!!1 but I GOT MY FREEDOM BACK!!!! :D

The Inspiration

New Ideas



Well, these are the new ideas I had because I got pretty inspired the last time by one of my favorite designers of all time. But anyway, umm... yeah sorry about the crappy photos and stuff it's because it's hard when you don't get to work until it's last at night and you're in charge of making new outfits each day or should I say night. My next post will be my inspiration for these outfits well some of them. Hope y'all like it. :))